camp: Escalante, Utah
context: A group of paleobotanists were camped near us, so after a hard
day of vegetation transects, we visited their camp at night to talk about their
work excavating dinosaurs in the area.
Paleobotany
seems so cool. No, that’s a lie. Digging up dinosaurs sounds cool. It reminds
me of being a little kid, when I read each issue of Dig and Muse with bated
breath, trying to decide if I’d rather dig up ancient civilizations or
dinosaurs. That was also when I figured I could do one of those things for a
year or two, then switch to something different—before I really understood what
grad school was. I love meeting people who are experts in their fields and who are
so knowledgeable and passionate about their work, but I can’t help feeling like
I’m too young to choose. I want the freedom I had at five back. I was going to
fight fires, lead expeditions to find artifacts from the Titanic, study chimps
in the jungles of East Africa, unearth dinosaurs and be a mom. And damn it, I
was going to be world famous for all of it! I feel simultaneously too old and
too young to have this amount of freedom. So many of my peers from high school
are studying so specifically, to become architects, physical therapists and
writers. I’m dating a civil engineer, and the best I can offer when asked about
my future is that I’d like to do the Peace Corps and have a job where I’m
helping the planet not die and get to be outside. I have a major I’m not even
sure about—I love politics, and I follow elections the way some people follow
football or March Madness—but I don’t want an office job, I couldn’t be happy
as a lawyer and I hate dressing up. I went to the DNC, I’ve seen politics from
the inside, and I know that’s not me. I’d rather be a scientist or journalist
during the week and an activist and community member when I can. But I still
want it all. We have yet to meet anyone who works in a lab synthesizing
biodegradable compounds to replace plastics and also writes for High Country
News. Plus, climbing on the weekends. Sooner or later, I’m going to have to
pick, and I feel like it’s easier to study science and do into journalism or
advocacy or policy than to study policy and end up a wolf biologist. Which I
also want to do. When am I supposed to figure this out? And how have so many
other people beaten me to it?
I
have a feeling none of this is what I’m supposed to write about. Vegetation
transects were cool, though a bit tedious. I love knowing what plants are.
Greasebush tastes pretty cool, too—very distinctive, like a not-quite-ripe
blueberry in a good way. I wonder from reading the study about voles—how many
other ecosystems could be fixed or greatly improved by something so simple and
non-invasive? I love the idea of managing by leaving something alone or
removing stressors, but not actively killing invasive species. It seems much
more cautious and healthy, and at least here, it’s working, which is great. I
love it when progress seems so clear and attainable.
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