Freak dancing & feminism

My first thought when someone explained to me that high school dancing = freak dancing was something along the lines of, "Why would anyone want to do that?" Freshman year, I didn't go to any dances because I didn't drink and I didn't really want to simulate anal sex with someone who did. My first actual exposure to freak dancing was probably at a JSA dance sophomore year, and that was pretty innocent freak dancing by Garfield standards. Then there was prom, which kind of tainted my perceptions further. The fact that everyone spent hundreds of money on fancy dresses and limos and hair and makeup just to come there and degrade themselves made me sad. Not to mention that the entire experience was incredibly awkward.

The first time my perceptions really began to change was in Guatemala. We were dancing almost every day and I got a lot more comfortable with it in general. I freaked out the first time we had salsa lessons and was actually in tears because it scared me so much. And when I thought about why that was, I came up with something kind of strange. There are some places, some groups of people, some activities that I view as "safe" in the sense that I'm allowed to be who I am and not be judged on the basis of appearance, sexiness or sex appeal. Prior to dance lessons, Guatemala and GV were some of those things, and salsa lessons felt like sexuality invading what I viewed as an amazingly deep, profound, and personal experience. And that really scared me. Because as much as I love myself, I've always felt like a very awkward person when it comes to appearance and dancing.

But Guatemala was all about getting outside your comfort zone. And that was one of the only things we did on the trip that was actually outside my comfort zone, so I knew I was going to have to dance at some point, and I did--on the buses, at the dance party, and in the dance lessons. I tried to tell myself that no one really cared what I looked like, which worked out. And I ended up not just dancing, but also freak dancing for a bit with some of the Guatemalans. And while it was a bit creepy with some of the guys, overall it wasn't that bad and was kind of fun.

So I came back to the US with a bit more confidence and decided to go to homecoming. It was fun, and I enjoyed myself, but I still left feeling a bit disgusted. Grinding is one things, but girls bending all the way over to the floor in booty shorts while guys lift up their shirts...well, that was something different. I enjoy freak dancing when it feels relatively equal. When it's someone you know, you're both sober, you're both having fun, no one's bending over and no one's feeling creeped out, then I'm good, and I really do have fun.

But I'm still struggling with the feminist side of this. I identify strongly as a feminist, although I disagree with the organized, mainstream, 3rd wave feminist movement on many issues. Most of those issues are related to things like this--can women use their sexuality in an empowering way, or is using sexuality for anything inherently degrading? Take stripping, which a lot of this discussion is centered around. The guys are paying the women, the women are teasing them in a way, and so it would seem like the women are in power. Except that the women are also selling their bodies to horny guys. And feminists argue that this is a product of the "girl power" movement--let's empower our young women by sexualizing them young, by teaching them that it's good to be valued for their appearance, by saying that tnis is a good thing.

I see two extremes here. The first, which would be a hardcore lesbian seperatist position circa the 1970s and 80s would involve all women deliberately being unattractive to men, no porn, no sex industry, and no evaluation of anyone based on looks. And the second, which would be something of a utopian society for Hugh Hefner, would involve every girl being taught how to be sexy and exploit that fact starting at the age of 9 or 10, with all careers for women tying into sexuality in some way. Let's just say that Office Hoes and CEOs wouldn't just be a spirit day at Garfield anymore. I don't want us to go down either of these roads, but I don't see an equilibrium that's working without creating a Madonna-whore dichotomy.

So, going back to freak dancing, I think you can fit it into feminist ideas. They're not completely incompatible, as long as girls aren't being degrading or degrading themselves. I'm down with dancing, and I'll probably show up at the next Garfield dance. But I'll also be in jeans, sober, at a 120 degree angle or higher, and I don't intend on dancing with anyone who I don't know. That's my line for now, and I think it allows for both fun and self-respect.