Female sexuality.

When I say I'm a feminist, I mean it. Feminism isn't just about equal rights, equal pay for equal work. It's about something more fundamental--the right of a woman to be respected, entitled to her own opinions and able to persue her pleasure before anyone else's without being judged or condemned for it. Given that, some media things have pissed me off this last week...


So, I was watching American Idol. Yes, it's American Idol. Yes, I have no reasonable expectation that it would ever be feminist in any way, shape or form. But nevertheless...one of the hopefuls who auditioned before the judges was a sixteen year old girl who was part of a youth group that gave talks about abstinence and why it's best to wait to have sex until you're married. She told this to the judges, who reacted with exclamations about how cute that was, how great she was, and how sweet and nice of a person she was. Naturally, I have some issues with this. One is that the judges of American Idol are pretty clearly not advocates of abstinence until marriage. Paula and Randy have been divorced, and Simon has never been married (but was accused of cheating on a girlfriend). So why do they find it good and cute that this girl is advocating a position they don't agree with?

This is symptomatic of some of the largest problems concerning sexuality, especially female sexuality, in American society. First, it's accepting the premise that sexual pleasure is inherently sinful and wrong unless it's connected with a bunch of other ideals like love, commitment and monogamy--not a premise that I accept in any way. Plenty of people have sex everyday in a casual, non-comitted, non-monogamous way. Are they wrong? Sinful? I don't think so. Which is a worse sin--a woman who meets a guy in a bar, has consensual sex with him in a context where both parties recognize that this is not part of a long-term relationship and uses protection, or a man who marries a woman until death do them part, sleeps with her even though he doesn't want to and represses the fact that he's gay because he believes he has to fit a certain mold? Generally, I tend to adhere to Dan Savage's set of sexual values--if you're adults, it's consensual, and no animals are involved, then you're good.

Secondly, and more importantly, it's condemning female pursuit of pleasure. The evangelical Christian wait-until-marriage doctrine generally tends to reject things like women taking leadership roles, women articulating their own needs and desires, and all that good stuff that healthy sexual relationships are based on. Think about what would have happened on American Idol if a young woman had walked in and told the judges that she volunteered for a nonprofit education group that teaches girls how to be aware of their bodies, their sexual potential, masturbate, and articulate what they want and need sexually. I'm pretty sure she wouldn't have gotten the "that's so sweet!" treatment. And for that matter, I can't think of a single instance where I've heard of a nonprofit that does just that, though I've sure heard of plenty teaching abstinence and repression.

So, women need to be respected. And that includes that girl and her opinion that sex before marriage is wrong. That's her belief, and that's fine. But we need equally vocal groups countering that opinion and being vocal about a woman's right to control her own body in every sense. We need groups telling girls that they are allowed to have sexual desires and fantasies--it's not just a guy thing. We need a society that is more tolerant of sexually liberated women--no more Madonna-whore dichotomy. And we need better TV shows than American Idol, but that's a whole seperate issue.