Well, I'm off tomorrow. I'll be spending ten days in Greece with my family before heading over to Ghana to intern with Dad. I could say a bunch of insightful stuff right now about carbon emissions or changing the world, but I don't really feel like it. So instead, I'm going to detail my plan to decisively defeat all the Ghanaian microbes that are conspiring to get me sick as we speak.
Last time I was in Ghana was in the summer of 2008. I spent three weeks traveling around with Dad and my friend Carol, and I got decently sick. Not death-defyingly so, but by the end of that trip, I was eating about 400 calories a day and had lost 10-15 pounds.
This time, I'm ready. I've been training for this all semester by consuming as much bacteria as I can: raw milk, expired yogurt, homemade kombucha, expired raw milk...I should have at least three trillion good happy bacteria in my intestines, ready to fight. But just in case, I have the most comprehensive, no-nonsense med kit ever, and I am going to outsmart and outlast anything that tries to get me in less-than-perfect physical condition, microbe or otherwise. Here's what I'm hauling with me *possible TMI warning for people who get weirded out by indirect references to vaginas*:
-Ibuprofen, for good old-fashioned cramps and other assorted aches and pains
-Pepto-Bismol, to calm my tummy dragon down (his name is Chester, and he gets really excited in developing countries)
-Immodium, in case Chester does not listen to the Pepto-Bismol
-Two courses of cipro (an antibiotic), in case the tummy issues are actually Chester being attacked by unhappy bacteria that the raw milk bacteria are unable to subdue
-Anti-yeast infection medication, in case taking said antibiotics messes up my delicate bacteria-yeast balance
-Sunscreen, because I am a devoted fan of Cosmo's Practice Safe Sun Campaign (srsly guys, it's the most important issue ever)
-Triple antibiotic ointment, in case the whole giant-trenches-full-of-trash-on-the-side-of-the-road thing results in an injury
-Anti-itch cream, for when those pesky disease-carrying mosquitoes decide I taste good
-Malarone, for when said mosquitoes end up being female and members of genes Anopheles (aka malaria-transmitting ones)
-Plan B, in case some non-consensual shit goes down. Told you I was ready for everything.
In addition, I am vaccinated against yellow fever, typhoid and hepatitis A and B. And I just got a tetanus booster in January. So suck it, microbes. The only way you're getting me sick is with rabies (please no).
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